Tombstoning

[philmophlegm]

Before I moved to Cornwall, I had never encountered this term.

As far as I can gather, tombstoning is a somewhat inefficient way to remove chavs (or 'janners' to use the local terminology) from the gene pool. The way it works is this...



First, take your chav. Then remove his tasteless outer clothing (fake Burberry baseball cap, track suit etc) to reveal tasteless inner clothing. Next find a cliff, ideally a high cliff with shallow water beneath (jagged rocks for extra style points). Add alcohol. Finally, throw the chav off the cliff into the shallow water beneath. Repeat until paralysed.

Actually, the beauty of this is that the chav often does all of this of his own volition. Assuming the paralysis is serious enough to prevent future breeding, I'm all for it.

There was a particularly good example in today's local paper:
25-year old (yes, we are talking about a grown 'man' here) chav from Plymouth jumped from 25 feet high cliffs into three feet of water at Whitsand Bay in Cornwall and is now paralysed for life. This was after two warnings of the danger from the lifeguards on duty. His mother said "He had only had six vodkas, which isn't a lot."


Is this just a south-west thing, or does this happen all around the ritish coast?

Comments

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

I believe something similar has been known to happen from Magdalen Bridge on May Mornings.

- Creatrix

[bunn.livejournal.com]

Good point, and that water isn't even salty, and is full of bicycles. Though at least it isn't tidal so you can be relatively sure how deep it is.

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

That IS a good point. Of course the Cherwell jumpers are the highly educated products of the better parts of Britain's education system, so my theory of chav evolution breaks down.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Yes, but they're also stupid enough to do this ...

[helflaed.livejournal.com]

Intelligence does not necessarily equal common sense....

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

As is shown by the number of students riding round without a helmet ...

[bunn.livejournal.com]

My goodness, were you people *ever* young...? :-D

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

Well we know that you were, but sometimes I do wonder how you've survived to not be...

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

Nope - I was born a middle-aged grump, and I've stayed that way! ;-)

[helflaed.livejournal.com]

Funnily, ever since no1 son came off his scooter and split his forehead open on the concrete at the bottom of the road he's been very very careful about wearing a helmet...can't think why!

[lil-shepherd.livejournal.com]

Evolution in action.

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

I was reading about the practice just yesterday on the BBC Hampshire website. Some chap has done this in Southsea and will probably never walk again. Round these parts, it's done from piers, not cliffs.

[wellinghall.livejournal.com]

If that's the report I was reading, I think he broke his neck.

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

Is it still called 'tombstoning'?

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

It was on the BBC Hampshire website, anyway. It does seem rather foolish to engage in a practice in which the clue is in the name.

[sigisgrim.livejournal.com]

Yes, the report I read called it "tombstoning".

[the-marquis.livejournal.com]

"Janner" used to be navy-chat for the inhabitants of Devon & Cornwall eg Jan Dockey (one of the Devonport civillian workers).

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

I've not heard that derivation before. And down here, among the civilian population, the term is generally held to refer specifically to native Plymothians, certainly not someone from Exeter or Torbay or Truro or (heaven forbid) Rock or Padstow.

There is a comprehensive guide to janner-spotting here:
http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/modules.php?name=News&file=print&sid=1083

We do it in Warwickshire too.

[(Anonymous)]

Full details of Tombstoning at Bishop's Bowl Lakes in Warwickshire here: http://harbury.villagebuzz.co.uk/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=112

It's been going on for years with no problems.