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philmophlegmHere’s something to do today if you’re feeling unnaturally happy with the state of the world and somehow feel guilty about it. What you need is something that will restore your previously held, cynical view that the world* is a horrible place full of really shit people.
Here’s what you should do. Go to twitter and search for the hashtag “#freeched”. Alternatively, go to facebook and search for the group “Free Ched Evans”.
For those of you who don’t follow the fortunes of Sheffield United Football Club, I’ll explain...
(Warning for readers of a nervous disposition: This really is quite unpleasant. If you thought my Michael Vick posts were bad, this is far, far worse.)
* Or at least South Yorkshire.
Ched Evans is a centre forward for Sheffield United and Wales. He’s had a good season on the pitch and on Sunday night was named in the Professional Footballers’ Association League One** Team of the Year. He couldn’t be there in person to hear his name applauded and accept the acclaim of his fellow professionals.
Why not?
Evans is friendly with Port Vale player Clayton McDonald. Back in May last year, McDonald, after a night out in Rhyl, somehow persuaded a teenage girl, who had been drinking heavily, to accompany him back to his hotel room. When they got there, McDonald phoned Evans who also turned up with a friend. McDonald had sex with the girl (the Court held this to be consensual), Evans raped her and the third man filmed it on his mobile phone. Evans has just started a five year jail term for rape. McDonald was acquitted.
More than a few Sheffield United fans seem to disagree with the verdict of the court, despite the evidence. Evans’s teammate Connor Brown posted on twitter:
“If u r a slag, u r a slag, don’t try get money from being a slag”
This was followed by more tweets from fans. Here’s a sample, together with my thoughts in brackets:
“In a Premier Inn with 2 footballers after a night out. Expecting tiddlywinks? And ruin a poor blokes life? ! #golddigger #chedevans #freeched”
[It's obviously important to consider the _real_ victim in all this.]
“How can there be any evidence if the silly bitch can't remember anything...”
[Well, there's the video footage from his mate's mobile phone for one...]
“There's some birds in this pub who would defo get the #ChedEvans treatment...think. #ThereButForTheGraceOfGodGoI”
[That sounds rather like a confession.]
“If nailing a tramp who is too wankered to say no is a crime then the old bill need to get down to mine with a set of cuffs”
[That IS a confession.]
“I hope that silly tramp gets properly raped one day”
[Ah yes. Clearly this wasn't a "proper" rape, presumably because the victim wasn't conscious enough to really appreciate it.]
“#chedevans going to jail shows that women will come up with any excuse to get their 15 minutes of fame”
[Hmmm. Doing a bad X-Factor audition is one thing. Getting raped is a little bit different.]
“#ChedEvansinocent !! #DrunkenSlag - moneygrabbing whore!!”
[Of course, it's her fault really...]
“Nobody knows facts the girl has done this before! There are now videos of her going around getting smashed by diff blokes.”
[The old "women who have sex are agreeing to be raped for the rest of their lives" defence.]
“Still supporting our boy Ched! This will be revealed when I score on Thursday #FreeChed”
[Please, please footballers, if you score, do not celebrate by taking your shirt off to reveal a vest with the slogan "Free Ched Evans".]
“heard Sheff Utd are taking 6,200 away fans to MK Dons today. Fantastic support that” you know it pal we're there #freeched”
[I really hope those 6,200 fans are there to support their club, not their club's rapist striker.]
“was ched evans really in the wrong?? he was just trying to get a bit. #freeched”
[No, he really was in the wrong. Most people can grasp the difference between "trying to get a bit" and rape. If you can't, you really need to get someone to explain it to you before you next leave the house.]
“Chef Evans pretty much got 5 years because some slag couldn't handle her drink #FreeChed”
[While getting paralytically drunk is hardly what you'd call sensible, it's still not an open invitation to rape. Again, if you are confused by this distinction, you really need someone to explain it to you before you next leave the house.]
“Evans put in prison for bonking someone too drunk to consent? Getting them drunk and banging is a legitimate pulling technique #FreeChed”
[My hope (and actually best guess) is that you're still a virgin and this "legitimate pulling technique" crap is some bizarre male bravado. If it isn't, and you have actually used this technique in the past, then what you need to do is pick up the phone, dial 999 and ask the police to come and arrest you for rape. You sick, sick man.]
“Not being funny but Ched Evans has been stitched up. If someone wants to get that pissed she doesn't remember then thats her fault #FreeChed”
[Getting pissed was indeed her fault. But Ched Evans hasn't been "stitched up" because she got pissed, he's been sentenced to five years in prison because while she was "that pissed that she doesn't remember", he raped her.]
“All Ched Evans prison sentence proves is every girl in this country is guilty of being a bint, wench and slut.... #FreeChed”
[You're definitely a virgin. And likely to remain that way.]
“Hope that slut is happy hope she falls down stairs and breaks her neck!! #whore #famehungryslag #freeched”
[Yes, because it's not as if she's suffered much so far, is it?]
“If Ched worked in McDonalds she wunt have cried rape FACT #justiceforChed #FreeChed #TeamChed”
[Hmmm, I think she would have you know...]
“this lass was drunk, and he shagged her? that's not rape, that's common sense #freeched”
[This comment was actually from a woman. Yay sisterhood!]
“"money grabbin little tramp" gwaaann son #freeched”
[I'm guessing that there are more pleasant ways to make some money than being raped.]
“She aint nothin but a gold digger' #fts #freeched”
[See above.]
“ALL BLADES AREN'T WE! promotion will be secured next weekend. Doin it for Ched and the fans #freeched #chedevans”
[As long as Sheffield United get promoted, that's all that matters.]
“I know this, she should have kept her knickers up in the first place then none of this would have happened #slag #freeched”
[You "know this"?]
“#JusticeForChed She can't even remember but it was rape? Stupid skank lying about it for the money #GoldDigga #FreeChed”
[Yes, she can't remember it, she didn't consent to it, so it's rape. That's what "rape" is.]
“Come on blades let's do it for ched evans #chedisinnocent #freeched #sillyslaglieng”
[Yes, let's use the conviction of our star player for rape as a motivational tool to help our promotion push.]
“really cannot believe ched evans news! she knew what was gunna happen going to his room! #freeched”
[Right...]
“Just ordered my #SUFC jersey with Evans on the back #FreeChed #Hero #SheWantedItRough”
["#SheWantedItRough". Possibly the single most offensive hashtag in the history of twitter. Well done. It really took some talent to stand out from the #FreeChed tweeters.]
“shocking pal, she's seen he's a footballer in the morning and thought ££. #FreeChed”
[And the method she used to get those "££" was to get really drunk in the hope that one of those footballers would rape her?]
“bollox was she raped ino what I'll slags like her are like see them every week #freeChed”
[It seems wrong to criticise spelling and grammar in a tweet as horrid as this one, so I won't.]
“Man'z listen to a brother. Stop hounding my bredrin Ched, its not all it seems. #ChedEvans #FreeChed #FreeNelsonMandela”
[Ah yes. Ched Evans and Nelson Mandela. That's a valid comparison. Especially as Ched Evans isn't even black.]
“Dont care what anyone says or what stick i get. Thanks for this season ched! #ThankYouChed #FreeChed”
[One rape, but 35 goals!!!]
** For those not familiar with English football, “League One” is actually the third tier of English football, below the Premier League and the Championship.
Here’s what you should do. Go to twitter and search for the hashtag “#freeched”. Alternatively, go to facebook and search for the group “Free Ched Evans”.
For those of you who don’t follow the fortunes of Sheffield United Football Club, I’ll explain...
(Warning for readers of a nervous disposition: This really is quite unpleasant. If you thought my Michael Vick posts were bad, this is far, far worse.)
* Or at least South Yorkshire.
Ched Evans is a centre forward for Sheffield United and Wales. He’s had a good season on the pitch and on Sunday night was named in the Professional Footballers’ Association League One** Team of the Year. He couldn’t be there in person to hear his name applauded and accept the acclaim of his fellow professionals.
Why not?
Evans is friendly with Port Vale player Clayton McDonald. Back in May last year, McDonald, after a night out in Rhyl, somehow persuaded a teenage girl, who had been drinking heavily, to accompany him back to his hotel room. When they got there, McDonald phoned Evans who also turned up with a friend. McDonald had sex with the girl (the Court held this to be consensual), Evans raped her and the third man filmed it on his mobile phone. Evans has just started a five year jail term for rape. McDonald was acquitted.
More than a few Sheffield United fans seem to disagree with the verdict of the court, despite the evidence. Evans’s teammate Connor Brown posted on twitter:
“If u r a slag, u r a slag, don’t try get money from being a slag”
This was followed by more tweets from fans. Here’s a sample, together with my thoughts in brackets:
“In a Premier Inn with 2 footballers after a night out. Expecting tiddlywinks? And ruin a poor blokes life? ! #golddigger #chedevans #freeched”
[It's obviously important to consider the _real_ victim in all this.]
“How can there be any evidence if the silly bitch can't remember anything...”
[Well, there's the video footage from his mate's mobile phone for one...]
“There's some birds in this pub who would defo get the #ChedEvans treatment...think. #ThereButForTheGraceOfGodGoI”
[That sounds rather like a confession.]
“If nailing a tramp who is too wankered to say no is a crime then the old bill need to get down to mine with a set of cuffs”
[That IS a confession.]
“I hope that silly tramp gets properly raped one day”
[Ah yes. Clearly this wasn't a "proper" rape, presumably because the victim wasn't conscious enough to really appreciate it.]
“#chedevans going to jail shows that women will come up with any excuse to get their 15 minutes of fame”
[Hmmm. Doing a bad X-Factor audition is one thing. Getting raped is a little bit different.]
“#ChedEvansinocent !! #DrunkenSlag - moneygrabbing whore!!”
[Of course, it's her fault really...]
“Nobody knows facts the girl has done this before! There are now videos of her going around getting smashed by diff blokes.”
[The old "women who have sex are agreeing to be raped for the rest of their lives" defence.]
“Still supporting our boy Ched! This will be revealed when I score on Thursday #FreeChed”
[Please, please footballers, if you score, do not celebrate by taking your shirt off to reveal a vest with the slogan "Free Ched Evans".]
“heard Sheff Utd are taking 6,200 away fans to MK Dons today. Fantastic support that” you know it pal we're there #freeched”
[I really hope those 6,200 fans are there to support their club, not their club's rapist striker.]
“was ched evans really in the wrong?? he was just trying to get a bit. #freeched”
[No, he really was in the wrong. Most people can grasp the difference between "trying to get a bit" and rape. If you can't, you really need to get someone to explain it to you before you next leave the house.]
“Chef Evans pretty much got 5 years because some slag couldn't handle her drink #FreeChed”
[While getting paralytically drunk is hardly what you'd call sensible, it's still not an open invitation to rape. Again, if you are confused by this distinction, you really need someone to explain it to you before you next leave the house.]
“Evans put in prison for bonking someone too drunk to consent? Getting them drunk and banging is a legitimate pulling technique #FreeChed”
[My hope (and actually best guess) is that you're still a virgin and this "legitimate pulling technique" crap is some bizarre male bravado. If it isn't, and you have actually used this technique in the past, then what you need to do is pick up the phone, dial 999 and ask the police to come and arrest you for rape. You sick, sick man.]
“Not being funny but Ched Evans has been stitched up. If someone wants to get that pissed she doesn't remember then thats her fault #FreeChed”
[Getting pissed was indeed her fault. But Ched Evans hasn't been "stitched up" because she got pissed, he's been sentenced to five years in prison because while she was "that pissed that she doesn't remember", he raped her.]
“All Ched Evans prison sentence proves is every girl in this country is guilty of being a bint, wench and slut.... #FreeChed”
[You're definitely a virgin. And likely to remain that way.]
“Hope that slut is happy hope she falls down stairs and breaks her neck!! #whore #famehungryslag #freeched”
[Yes, because it's not as if she's suffered much so far, is it?]
“If Ched worked in McDonalds she wunt have cried rape FACT #justiceforChed #FreeChed #TeamChed”
[Hmmm, I think she would have you know...]
“this lass was drunk, and he shagged her? that's not rape, that's common sense #freeched”
[This comment was actually from a woman. Yay sisterhood!]
“"money grabbin little tramp" gwaaann son #freeched”
[I'm guessing that there are more pleasant ways to make some money than being raped.]
“She aint nothin but a gold digger' #fts #freeched”
[See above.]
“ALL BLADES AREN'T WE! promotion will be secured next weekend. Doin it for Ched and the fans #freeched #chedevans”
[As long as Sheffield United get promoted, that's all that matters.]
“I know this, she should have kept her knickers up in the first place then none of this would have happened #slag #freeched”
[You "know this"?]
“#JusticeForChed She can't even remember but it was rape? Stupid skank lying about it for the money #GoldDigga #FreeChed”
[Yes, she can't remember it, she didn't consent to it, so it's rape. That's what "rape" is.]
“Come on blades let's do it for ched evans #chedisinnocent #freeched #sillyslaglieng”
[Yes, let's use the conviction of our star player for rape as a motivational tool to help our promotion push.]
“really cannot believe ched evans news! she knew what was gunna happen going to his room! #freeched”
[Right...]
“Just ordered my #SUFC jersey with Evans on the back #FreeChed #Hero #SheWantedItRough”
["#SheWantedItRough". Possibly the single most offensive hashtag in the history of twitter. Well done. It really took some talent to stand out from the #FreeChed tweeters.]
“shocking pal, she's seen he's a footballer in the morning and thought ££. #FreeChed”
[And the method she used to get those "££" was to get really drunk in the hope that one of those footballers would rape her?]
“bollox was she raped ino what I'll slags like her are like see them every week #freeChed”
[It seems wrong to criticise spelling and grammar in a tweet as horrid as this one, so I won't.]
“Man'z listen to a brother. Stop hounding my bredrin Ched, its not all it seems. #ChedEvans #FreeChed #FreeNelsonMandela”
[Ah yes. Ched Evans and Nelson Mandela. That's a valid comparison. Especially as Ched Evans isn't even black.]
“Dont care what anyone says or what stick i get. Thanks for this season ched! #ThankYouChed #FreeChed”
[One rape, but 35 goals!!!]
** For those not familiar with English football, “League One” is actually the third tier of English football, below the Premier League and the Championship.
