![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
philmophlegmQ: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many revisionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: In actual fact, the light bulb doesn't need changing.
Q: How many post-revisionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yes it does.
Q: How many Scottish Nationalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, because they are sick of living under the shadow of
England for so long.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - they just keep the elected politicians in the dark.
A: 35 - one to change the bulb, 34 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many spin doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb's
burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the government's
bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go on talk
shows to accuse the Opposition of being weak on light, and one to deny
rumors that it's still dark in there.
A: One, but if she's clever, she'll wait until another major news story to do it.
Q: How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to negotiate with the old bulb and one to shoot at it at the
same time.
Q: How many Florida election officials does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Errm. I'd like to tell you, but counting isn't my strongest skill...
Q: How many Conservative backbenchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in and the other to hang himself accidentally from
the flex performing a perverse sexual act involving women's underwear.
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the invisible hand does it.
Q: How many U.S. Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to change it and the other to stop the first one's knee from jerking.
Q: How many Obama supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You don't need a light bulb - just ask Barack to pull his trousers down. We all know that the Sun shines out of his arse.
Q: How many trade unionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None of them. Changing a light bulb is not in that man's job description and by asking him to change it, you are taking jobs away from my members in the Amalgamated Union of Light Bulb Changers and Allied Trades. All out!
A: None. The electric light bulb replaces the jobs of twenty men in the candle making and lighting trades. All out!
A: None. The light bulb has an inalienable right to withdraw its labour.
A: MY BRAIN HURTS!
Q: How many New Labourites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to represent every possible minority group.
Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We do not change light bulbs; we search for the root cause
as to why the last one went out.
Q: How many Ed Milliband supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We're still developing a policy on that.
Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If he wants to sit in the dark, let him.
Q: How many members of the Kennedy administration did it take to change a light bulb?
A: Either John or Robert, so long as it was a screw fitting.
Q: How many members of the Bush (jr) administration did it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't worry about it. Halliburton will do it for free if we give them some other contracts at the same time...
Q: How many members of the last Labour government did it take to change a light bulb?
A: If they knew how to count, we wouldn't be the mess we're in at the moment would we?
Q: How many electable, sensible Republican presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's going to be a dark four years isn't it?
Q: How many Jesse Jackson supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYTHING BEING BLACK? EH? EH?
Q: How many Ed Balls supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb does not need changing. There is no deficit of light.
Q: How many Berlusconi cabinet members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: On balance, they'd prefer it was dark. Naked Berlusconi looks better when it's dark.
Q: How many NHS workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to get the ladder, one to train the ladder operator, one to change the bulb, one to train the bulb changer, one to fill out the light bulb requisition form, one to fill out the ladder requisition form, one to get the sign that says "Warning: ladder", one to process the form and one to pay £10,000 for the new light bulb.
Q: How many Trotskyists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but you have to twist the bulb really hard because the bulb cannot be changed without violent revolution.
Q: How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!!
Q: How many Chinese Communists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, but it will need a cultural revolution.
Q: How many Nicaraguan Contras does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four Canadians, an Arab, twenty Swiss, an Afghan and Oliver North to help him.
Q: How many Keynesians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As many as possible, because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand curve to the right etc.
Q: How many conservative members of the Coalition cabinet does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be silly, there aren't any conservatives in the Coalition cabinet.
Q: How many United States Supreme Court Justices does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to dissent one to concur in part and dissent in part with the plurality opinion and the last to concur with the dissenters in part.
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many revisionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: In actual fact, the light bulb doesn't need changing.
Q: How many post-revisionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yes it does.
Q: How many Scottish Nationalists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, because they are sick of living under the shadow of
England for so long.
Q: How many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - they just keep the elected politicians in the dark.
A: 35 - one to change the bulb, 34 to do the paperwork.
Q: How many spin doctors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb's
burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the government's
bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go on talk
shows to accuse the Opposition of being weak on light, and one to deny
rumors that it's still dark in there.
A: One, but if she's clever, she'll wait until another major news story to do it.
Q: How many Palestinians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to negotiate with the old bulb and one to shoot at it at the
same time.
Q: How many Florida election officials does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Errm. I'd like to tell you, but counting isn't my strongest skill...
Q: How many Conservative backbenchers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two, one to screw it in and the other to hang himself accidentally from
the flex performing a perverse sexual act involving women's underwear.
Q: How many neo-classical economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None - the invisible hand does it.
Q: How many U.S. Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two - one to change it and the other to stop the first one's knee from jerking.
Q: How many Obama supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You don't need a light bulb - just ask Barack to pull his trousers down. We all know that the Sun shines out of his arse.
Q: How many trade unionists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None of them. Changing a light bulb is not in that man's job description and by asking him to change it, you are taking jobs away from my members in the Amalgamated Union of Light Bulb Changers and Allied Trades. All out!
A: None. The electric light bulb replaces the jobs of twenty men in the candle making and lighting trades. All out!
A: None. The light bulb has an inalienable right to withdraw its labour.
A: MY BRAIN HURTS!
Q: How many New Labourites does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to represent every possible minority group.
Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: We do not change light bulbs; we search for the root cause
as to why the last one went out.
Q: How many Ed Milliband supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We're still developing a policy on that.
Q: How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If he wants to sit in the dark, let him.
Q: How many members of the Kennedy administration did it take to change a light bulb?
A: Either John or Robert, so long as it was a screw fitting.
Q: How many members of the Bush (jr) administration did it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't worry about it. Halliburton will do it for free if we give them some other contracts at the same time...
Q: How many members of the last Labour government did it take to change a light bulb?
A: If they knew how to count, we wouldn't be the mess we're in at the moment would we?
Q: How many electable, sensible Republican presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It's going to be a dark four years isn't it?
Q: How many Jesse Jackson supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: AND WHAT'S WRONG WITH EVERYTHING BEING BLACK? EH? EH?
Q: How many Ed Balls supporters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The light bulb does not need changing. There is no deficit of light.
Q: How many Berlusconi cabinet members does it take to change a light bulb?
A: On balance, they'd prefer it was dark. Naked Berlusconi looks better when it's dark.
Q: How many NHS workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nine. One to get the ladder, one to train the ladder operator, one to change the bulb, one to train the bulb changer, one to fill out the light bulb requisition form, one to fill out the ladder requisition form, one to get the sign that says "Warning: ladder", one to process the form and one to pay £10,000 for the new light bulb.
Q: How many Trotskyists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, but you have to twist the bulb really hard because the bulb cannot be changed without violent revolution.
Q: How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: YOU DON'T KNOW! YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN!!!
Q: How many Chinese Communists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: All of them, but it will need a cultural revolution.
Q: How many Nicaraguan Contras does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One, but he needs one Iranian, one Israeli, four Canadians, an Arab, twenty Swiss, an Afghan and Oliver North to help him.
Q: How many Keynesians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As many as possible, because then you will generate employment, more consumption, dislocating the aggregate demand curve to the right etc.
Q: How many conservative members of the Coalition cabinet does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be silly, there aren't any conservatives in the Coalition cabinet.
Q: How many United States Supreme Court Justices does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Nine-three to form a plurality, two to concur in part, two to dissent one to concur in part and dissent in part with the plurality opinion and the last to concur with the dissenters in part.
